Chapter 249: Monster Movie Rules

Chapter 249: Monster Movie Rules

Hey Bill, Perry said, shrugging the phone up to his ear as he held the twins hands.

You dont call me Bill. What did you do?

I mightvesortvespilled a legendary monster into your little sand-castle. Completely unintentionally, of course.

Explain. Tyrannus said.

Well, Im standing here in a replicator bunker, collecting residue from an android copy of Abunzaul.

Perry lifted Gareth up and had him use a scoop on the biomechanical ceiling.

Ewww! Gareth said with a huge grin as the biomechanical ribs dissolved into clear goop on contact with the scoop.

Ewww! Sera said, peering at the goop as it dripped into the collection tube.

They finally found something they could both enjoy: Goo.

Did you bring your children?

Yeah, when youve got small children with you, youre temporarily safe from monsters. Its monster movie rules.

It was actually because Perry was the safest place for them to be, when anyone could be a mimic. With his obscene physical and mental stats, he was more likely to keep than safe than hiding them away somewhere.

Bet I can catch some on my tongue! Sear said, opening her mouth under the dripping goop.

Perry grabbed her shoulder and got her face out of the way as the thick goop dripped to the ground.

Awww

Not safe.

Gareth started dipping his fingers into the bottle and Perry seamlessly stopped him with Dragors Kinesis.

Perry took the phone away from his ear and knelt down, eye level with his children.

Listen you two, unless I tell you otherwise, dont put anything in your mouth or touch it with your skin, alright?

Okaaay Sera and Gareth saidfor the fifteenth time.

So why are you calling me? Tyrannus asked as Perry put the phone back against his ear.

You have any unexplained disappearances on the frontier? Perry asked. The goop trail on the outside of the bunker appeared to be heading west before it disappeared.

No, not really. If anything, the citizens on the frontier are actually paying their taxes on time this yearFuuuck. Nobody ever sounds the alarm when everythings going well.

Seems like there should be a suspiciously high levels of law abidance alarm, dont ya think? Perry asked.

Ill have the software madeTheyre not human, are they?

Thats a distinct possibility. Perry said, holding the twins in place while he fed the sample into his portable scanner. Be careful how you handle it. Im thinking well need to coordinate to cordon off maybean eighth of the former united states.

Thats impossible. You know thats impossible.

I know.nove(l)bi(n.)com

Any non-crazy ideas?

Well, targeted curses like the one we used on the war demons are likely to be ineffective and dangerous. Mimic has a tendency to shed traits that are no longer beneficial, and this one is from especially virulent stock. The spell itself might also wind up having some unwanted collateral damage on citizens who share any traits that the mimic had at the time the curse hit them.

DING!

Ooo, shit. Perry said, scanning the readout.

What? Shit what?

It may have possiblyfused with the magical grey-goo housed in my soul, and sloughed off any control Professor Replica mightve had over it in the process.

Perry had been hoping the good Professor might offer a quick and easy solution to the Zaul-inator, but it wasnt looking good. Similar to how Perrys dad had shrugged off the Omni-class tinkers control, the newly created abomination might similarly find obedience to beoptional.

How bad is it?

I dont wanna alarm you Perry said. But theres a possibility it might be able to level up. Its pretty bad. Likeworld-ending bad. Funny there seem to be so many of those cropping up today.

I deal with world-ending threats constantly. I appreciate the warning, though.

Youre welcome. I have a couple other things on my plate to address before I can come investigate. Remember the buddy system, and call me back if you get assimilated. Ill make sure to kill you quick.

Likewise. The dragon said moments before they hung up.

Perry nodded, his mind awhir with possibilities.

I think I can help with that. Hed already thought of several possibilities.

What if we didnt remove the blood? What if the diagnostic hardware were inside him?

Its been tried. Hexen replied. Instruments left inside Solaris for any length of time have a tendency to melt and burn any sample they might be working on.

I could probably make some pretty durable ones, Perry said with a shrug.

Well consider it. Hexen said.

Another option is to fake a sample into thinking its still connected to Solaris. Mind-taker ichor can do that.

Hexens brow twitched.

Yesthat might work. Can you

Ill make both, Perry offered And Ill do research on auto-immune brain disorders in the meantime. I may need it.

And do be quick about it, sweetheart. Weve hired some discrete doctors to diagnose solely based on Solariss behavior. They universally say that the disease seems to be eroding Solariss emotional control center faster than the rest of him.

Is that by design? Perry asked.

I Believe so. I think Scrape wanted to drag Solaris down to his own level and smear his legacy.

What a petty asshole. Is he not talking? Perry asked.

Hes not breathing. Hexen said.

Perry sucked in a breath through his teeth.

Solaris lost his temper and vaporized Scrape upon learning of his involvement.

Yikes, Perry said. It was worse than hed expected.

If youre going to try something to help, youd better be fast. Hexen said. Solaris is now spending all his time as light to halt the disease, but every now and then he needs to make a public appearance. Like your wedding.

Each public appearance is taking time off the clock. One more outburst like the one that ended Scrape and the Anchors will have to take action.

Hexen scanned the surrounding supers.

Hes losing memories. I dont need to remind any of you that Solariss background is less than pleasant, and built on a foundation of paranoia and tightly controlled violence. If he begins to regresswe do not need a world-ending threat re-enacting his PTSD from gang warfare in the seventies.

Perry nodded.

Ill get right on it.

Perry stood and rounded up the kids.

And Paradox? Hexen said.

Yeah?

Be careful what you say and who you say it to. You never saw much of it, but Solaris has always been paranoid. This diseaseits making things worse. He may assume youre trying to kill him.

Why would he assume that? Perry asked.

I can help with that, Mechanaut said, turning towards the wall, a bright light projecting from his palm.

The wall blinked to life as a list of events began to scroll past.

This is the list of times people close to Solaris have tried to kill, control, or depose him in the past.

It was a long list.

Oh. Perry muttered as the events scrolled past, processing each of them and matching them to his knowledge of specific super deaths and disappearances. A long history of turmoil, sixty years in the making. Damn.

Alright kiddos, were heading out. Weve got more stops to make today.

Aww Sera and Gareth pouted, but Perry managed to bribe them into leaving their grandparents laps.

Honestly, Mom made more of a fuss about the twins leaving than they did, but everyone had work to do.

Perry gave everyone a firm goodbye and left them to unpackage the news with Mechanaut and Locust, while Perry popped through the portal.

They arrived at a little clinic in the middle of Funkytown.

Awwnot Great Gramma Sera sulked. Why are you taking us here?

Because when youve got small children with you, youre temporarily safe from monsters. Its monster movie rules. Perry said, pinching her cheek.