CH 8

Everyone’s expressions changed. Only Liu Yuru’s face stayed as placid and composed as before.

Not knowing if Jiang Rou was a friend or foe worried and scared Su Wan. Believing that Jiang Rou had gone too far, Liu Xuan’s expression darkened completely.

Zhang Yue’er had initially planned on throwing in a couple of nice sounding but relatively worthless articles as part of Liu Yuru’s dowry. The Gu family was fabulously wealthy and powerful and Gu Langhua was said to be a generous man. Since the Gu family said nothing about the dowry during the marriage talks, she assumed they were not going to bring up the issue again. She certainly did not expect her to broach the topic after the engagement was settled.

Liu Xuan was of a similar mind as Zhang Yue’er on the matter, but as a father and the head of the household, he had to be rational. However tempting the Gu family’s betrothal gifts might be, preserving their dignity took precedence. He coughed lightly and asked Jiang Rou in return, “Have you an arrangement in mind, Lady Gu?”    

“You must be joking, Master Liu,” said Jiang Rou, smiling amiably. “I was just asking. Naturally it’d be best for your family to hammer out the details amongst yourselves. Now, though we confess little interest in your daughter’s dowry, it does reflect respect for the bride. I feared Lady Su might be lacking in experience, which is why I thought to ask.” 

Realising that Jiang Rou had discharged dowry duty upon Su Wan, Zhang Yue’er broke in hastily, “We needn’t trouble Her Ladyship. I could field your questions, Lady Gu.”

Jiang Rou’s gaze landed on Liu Xuan, a hint of a smile playing on her lips. “It seems to me that in the Liu family, a concubine, rather than Lady Su, is the one holding court.” 

Liu Xuan fell silent. The thought of Jiang Rou’s barbed remark a while ago had pained him. Acknowledging that Zhang Yue’er was indeed the one who took charge of household affairs would only drive the wound deeper. He glanced at Su Wan reflexively. Su Wan, too, said nothing. Her head was turned to one side as she clutched onto the armrest for dear life, her eyes welling with tears, looking wretchedly aggrieved. 

Guilt accosted Liu Xuan. He was about to open his mouth to speak when Zhang Yue’er beat him to it: “Lady Gu, it seems you’re unaware. Lady Su has a…delicate constitution. I’ve been helping to share her burden.”  

“You mean you’ll share the burden of her daughter’s dowry too?” Jiang Rou asked, smiling, repressed wry amusement in her eyes.

“Lady Gu is speaking,” Liu Xuan blurted out sharply. “What right have you to cut in?” 

Zhang Yue’er froze, shocked that Liu Xuan had taken such a tone with her. It struck her as odd, and suddenly it occurred to her—Liu Xuan had been visiting Su Wan awfully often of late. It seemed that something fishy was going on between Liu Xuan and Su Wan.

She had coasted along unimpeded in the Liu household for more than ten years, such that she had come to take Liu Xuan’s favour for granted. She clenched her teeth and looked away in pointed silence. 

Pleased to see that peace and quiet had been restored, Liu Xuan coughed lightly and addressed Su Wan, “My Lady, since you’ll be handling the dowry issue, be sure to have a nice talk with Lady Gu.” 

Su Wan assented, thanked him courteously, and started the discussions with Lady Gu. 

Su Wan was not the sort to demand a mile when given an inch. She estimated the amount of money the Gu family had offered and proposed a sum that, while not terribly impressive, took into consideration the deeds from the Gu family and was respectable and fair. Satisfied with Su Wan’s offer, Jiang Rou left in high spirits. Zhang Yue’er immediately acted up the moment Jiang Rou left. She said angrily, “Not only did she give basically nothing, we are expected to pay for the dowry. Are we marrying off a daughter or giving out money?” 

“Will you give it a rest?” Liu Xuan griped. Zhang Yue’er’s nagging had given Liu Xuan a headache. Zhang Yue’er had grown increasingly arrogant over the years. Nowadays, she would constantly harp about money. Indeed, she was a far cry from Yunyun; even Su Wan, who had always been the quiet one, felt more agreeable than her.  

Though he could not help but compare these women inwardly, he still held considerable affection for Zhang Yue’er. He remembered the Gu family’s fortune and remarked to Su Wan, “My Lady, don’t take this the wrong way, but you really ought to fight for that money.”

“Master,“ Su Wan said and sighed. “Even if I fight and win, the prize is just a sum of money. What you lose is the entire Liu family’s dignity. You have your prospects to think of. You mustn’t leave a stain on your life over such petty gains. Don’t worry about it. I’ll supplement Yuru’s dowry with money from mine.

One kept haranguing him over money, while the other thought about her husband’s future and even wanted to subsidise the cost of the dowry with her own savings. The difference between them was night and day.

Have I been blind this entire time? Liu Xuan suddenly thought, annoyed.  

That night, Liu Xuan stayed over at Su Wan’s courtyard again. Su Wan sent Yunyun to wait on him. After drinking and eating to his fill, he sighed with Yunyun in his arms. “Acting one way today, and another the next day. Tell me, what is wrong with this person?” 

Yunyun said softly, “She who carries her husband in her heart, carries his best interests in her thoughts.” 

Yunyun left it at that, but Liu Xuan understood. His lack of presence in her heart would explain her preoccupation with her self-interests.

He had an epiphany: Zhang Yue’er wasn’t fighting for the money for the sake of the Lius, she was fighting for herself and her sons!

Liu Xuan was miffed. When he woke up the next day, the sight of Su Wan’s sickly appearance roused in him a sensation of guilt so overwhelming that he sighed and said to Su Wan, “Wan’er, keep your money. Our family can well afford to pay for Yuru’s dowry. I had a dowry prepared for Yuru anyway. Use that instead.”

Su Wan offered various excuses to turn him down, but the more she refused, the more guilty Liu Xuan felt. This back and forth went on for a while till Su Wan finally accepted. Though Liu Xuan’s heart ached over this expenditure, Su Wan’s grateful expression made him think, “I suppose there’s no helping it. The Gu family’s betrothal gifts have been generous. Our family suffered no losses, only gains.”

After a hectic round of preparations, Liu Yuru’s dowry issue was finally settled. By then the day of the wedding was right around the corner. 

After being imprisoned in his own room for several days, Gu Jiusi felt like he was losing his mind. Everyday, he would sit by the door, rap against it again and again while chanting weakly, “Let me out…let me out…” 

Liu Yuru also locked herself in her room for fear that she would run away from marriage once she ventured outside.  

Of course, just because she had such thoughts, didn’t mean she would actually go through with it. 

After all, the Gu family’s betrothal gifts had been accepted, the wedding date had been fixed, her mandarin duck bridal bed sheets had been embroidered; it was far too late for regrets.

Still, thoughts of having to marry Gu Jiusi and thoughts of that dream bogged Liu Yuru down, suffocating her.

The day before her wedding, Liu Yuru slept fitfully. Drifting between sleep and wakefulness, she dreamt of the Gu family manor being raided again, only this time, she was no longer a bystander. In this dream, someone dragged her out of the door. Wang Rong.

“You acted so noble and clean back when I had a thing for you,” He said, a sickeningly caressing note in his voice. “But look at you now. It’s your destiny to be sold to the whorehouse.”   

Liu Yuru woke up with a scream, her body soaked in cold sweat. 

She stared at her bedsheets in the dark, the idea of marrying Gu Jiusi flooding her with immeasurable dread.

By this time, the lighting of lanterns outside had already begun. The servants busied themselves with pasting cutouts bearing the Chinese character for “happiness” (囍).  

Yinhong entered Liu Yuru’s room from the outside and said with a smile, “Was about to wake you, Miss, but I see you’re already up.”

As Yinhong went up to Liu Yuru, she asked quizzically, “Is something the matter, Miss? Your forehead’s drenched with cold sweat.”  

Liu Yuru moved her eyeballs and slowly recovered her bearings. 

A dream.

It’s just a dream, she kept telling herself. 

She had no doubt it was just a dream, but it frightened her nonetheless. 

She wasn’t one to entertain superstitions, but the dream felt so real, she could not help but feel disturbed.

Seeing how distracted Liu Yuru was, Yinhong smiled and said, “Miss, you’re a bundle of nerves. Are you alright?”

“I’ll manage.” 

Liu Yuru shook her head, took in a deep breath and pulled herself together.

She would be wed to Gu Jiusi, and that’s that. Ruining a settled match over a dream was out of the question. 

She wasn’t that ridiculous.

She stood up and put on her wedding attire with her maidservants’ help.  

Liu Yuru had her wedding robes prepared a long time ago. Every stitch of the embroidery on it was sewed by her hand. She had worked on the patterns while expecting praise from Ye Shi’an for her clever hands.

Ye Shi’an… 

She looked at her reflection in the mirror. For some reason, the thought of that name made her feel aggrieved and sad. 

To her, his name wasn’t just a name, it meant seven years of her life.

When she was eight years old, she understood for the first time that she would have to marry someone one day. From then on, she had her heart set on Ye Shi’an.

Perhaps there was some pragmatism to it, perhaps it was because it felt right; whatever the case, her feelings for him more or less involved some girlish sentiment on her part. She and Ye Shi’an only spoke a couple of words when they were young, and hadn’t seen each other since Ye Shi’an left for White Heron Academy at age thirteen. She didn’t even know if what she liked was Ye Shi’an or the feeling of liking, the feeling of anticipation itself. In any case, he was the one person she had been the most serious about in her life, the one for whom she had persevered the longest. 

Yet today, she was giving him up.

So unexpectedly and so swiftly was this decision hoisted upon her that by the time the full weight of what giving up entailed finally left its mark on her, she could not forbear the welling up and subsequent rush of tears. Words could not describe the ineffable feelings that roiled inside her.

Su Wan was up early to brush her daughter’s hair. When she caught sight of her daughter sitting before the mirror, weeping silently with her teeth clenched, she felt as if her heart was being driven through by a knife.

Su Wan hugged her tightly. When she spoke, her voice came out like a croak, “It has been hard on you, I know… I know how you have suffered…” 

All Liu Yuru wanted was to marry Ye Shi’an, but not only did her toil and efforts amount to nothing in the end, she had to marry the most insufferable fellow she had met in her life.

As a mother, Su Wan was naturally well aware of the injustice and despair her daughter had to face.

But even so, what could she do?

If Liu Yuru was a son, she could just rescind the engagement. No matter how brave a front she put on, she was just a girl.

Holding Liu Yuru in her arms, Su Wan sobbed harder and more sorrowfully than even Liu Yuru. Liu Yuru quickly sniffed, patted Su Wan’s hand and said,  “Mother, I’m fine, don’t be sad. They say that it’s auspicious for a bride to have a good cry when she’s about to get married. I was just crying to invoke my luck.”

Liu Yuru hurriedly wiped away her tears and tried to smile. “Come. I’m ready to put on my makeup. It’s okay.” 

Liu Yuru’s behaviour only made Su Wan feel even worse. She held Liu Yuru’s hands while repeating, “I understand…”

She did understand. 

She understood that her daughter was so obedient and sensible that she always took it upon herself to bear everything alone for fear of worrying her.

As a result, unlike other children who would typically cry into their mothers’ arms whenever they were upset, Liu Yuru would shed secret tears in hidden corners instead. She did so for fear of letting Su Wan find out, for fear of upsetting her.

Now, she had grown up, but still she swallowed her complaints and unhappiness while putting on a brave smile so as to put Su Wan at ease. She did that, even when faced with a prospect that meant a lifetime of forbearance. 

Yuru was her flesh and blood. Of course she had known all these about her. Su Wan held Liu Yuru’s hand and said hoarsely, “There hasn’t been much that I’ve been able to do for you. Don’t worry about me, and I won’t worry about you. Cry as much as you want. I won’t be upset.” 

Liu Yuru was quiet for a moment, then she said with a smile, “Mother, I’m getting married; I’ve got nothing to cry about. It really was just for good luck.”

As mother and daughter chatted, Liu Yuru had her makeup done, wore her bridal dress, and put on her phoenix crown. Then, after her head was covered with the bridal veil, she waited for Gu Jiusi to come for her. 

After waiting for a long time, a disturbance sounded from outside: “They’re here, they’re here.”

Liu Yuru wringed her handkerchief nervously.  

Bang. The door was kicked open. Gu Jiusi snapped in a voice laced with suppressed anger, “On your feet, and be quick about it. We’re leaving.” 

Liu Yuru: “…” 

If she didn’t know better, she might have thought they were in a hurry.

Liu Yuru stayed stock-still. Gu Jiusi was about to blow his top when a coldly spoken “Jiusi” from Gu Langhua silenced him.

Jiusi was reminded of the beating that had taken place in his room earlier in the morning, as well as the page that remained strung up in his house. 

He shut his eyes with a grimace as if pained by the memory. He walked up to Liu Yuru, passed her a length of red silk, and said stiffly, “Hold this and follow me.” 

Liu Yuru said nothing. She knew Gu Langhua and Jiang Rou had to be present; she was willing to endure for Jiang Rou’s sake. She grabbed onto the red silk, stood up, and followed Gu Jiusi across the threshold and out the door. 

Gu Jiusi walked in front. He glanced behind him begrudgingly. It occurred to him that it would be inconvenient for Liu Yuru to walk with the veil over her head. If word got out that she took a tumble on her wedding day, she’d be laughed at across the whole city.

No matter what, she was to be his wife. Even if he didn’t think of her as his wife, there’s no harm in letting others think so.

Gu Jiusi scoffed rather sullenly and muttered, “There’s a bump in the road up ahead.” 

Liu Yuru froze for a moment. She gave a wry smile, feeling a lot less angry than before.

She sat down in the palanquin. Gu Jiusi lowered the palanquin curtains. Only then did he get on his horse.  

The palanquin was lifted off the ground. Wedding music rose all around her. Liu Yuru sat in the bridal palanquin, enduring the noisy din made by the wedding procession around her.

It hit her then and there, with unprecedented clarity: Her life as Miss Liu was over. A new phase of her life was about to begin.

Unbeknownst to her, what awaited her was not just a life as “Young Mistress Gu”. Rather, she was in the opening chapters of a veritable saga.

At that time, the fifteen year old Liu Yuru didn’t know that, and could only sit in her palanquin while worrying about her future and reminiscing about her past. Suddenly, she heard a loud voice shouting amidst the ruckus, “Slow down, Eldest Young Master!” 

There were plenty of “Eldest Young Masters” in Yangzhou, yet her heart beat faster all the same. 

Hands shaking, a sudden desire to take off her veil took hold of her. She really, really wanted to take a peek outside. Could this be the “Eldest Young Master” she thought of day and night?

At thirteen, she began to look like a young maiden; at fifteen she came of age. When Ye Shi’an left, she had just turned twelve, and her teeth had yet to be replaced. Though she had never met Ye Shi’an since becoming a young maiden, he encompassed the entirety of her girlhood years.

She always lived by the rules, and never did anything rebellious. But at that moment, some sort of power surged through her…

…She lifted her veil. A bright festive red, all around her. Discreetly, she drew the palanquin curtain back a crack— 

Someone happened to drive his horse right past her. The rider, a gentleman dressed in white, wore a jade crown* atop his head. From his billowing wide sleeves wafted the sweet fragrance of plum blossoms, which tickled the tip of her nose and lingered there. She saw his face clearly. Five years had passed since they last met, yet that exquisitely sculpted face, those eyes that glinted like stars were unmistakable.

It was Ye Shi’an. 

On the day of her wedding, Ye Shi’an had come back.