Chapter 49 - 49 - Letting Go

Jayden POV

What have I done? I hurt her. I didn't imagine I could do that to her. It was too late. I should apologize. I have to tell her I still love her. But what if she leaves me again? Loving her was not enough. She lied to me and left me despite the love I gave her. She won't be satisfied with just that. ​​

"Try to slap me again and that's not the only thing that will happen to you. I'm not the same person as before. You made me like this so bear with it."

Instead of telling her that I still love her, those words came out from my mouth.

I could hear her crying. It was a silent cry but I could hear her breathing irregularly. It's breaking my heart. I couldn't look at her. I'm embarrassed. What would my mother say? What would she think of me? I'm now like those men who I hated the most.

She was still on the bed, she hasn't move there nor say another word. She was begging me earlier but I couldn't control myself. I was mad. I hate and love her at the same time. My head was a mess. My heart was in chaos.

I saw fear in her eyes so I tried to avoid her and was about to leave earlier. But she suddenly grabbed me by the shirt. I told her I will look for another girl but it wasn't really true. I wanted to see her reaction. When she suddenly slapped me because I mentioned Missy, I snapped. I felt like darkness suddenly consumed me. Next thing I knew I already hurt her.

I turned my face to her. I felt like my heart was ripped out from my chest. She was a mess. Her hand was tied up and I could see that there are red marks on her wrists. Her clothes were torn. Her lips had a cut in the lower part and it was bleeding. There's a bite mark on his right shoulders. When I looked between her thighs, my eyes widened. There were spots of blood on the bed sheets.

I couldn't take it anymore so I stood up and carried her inside the bathroom. I know she was surprised. I could also sense that her body tensed when I held her. She was scared of me.

"I'll help you clean up." I said in a gentle voice.

I don't even know if it would help or if it changes anything but I couldn't bear to see her like that.

I removed the belt from her wrists then she suddenly cried but this time it wasn't silent anymore. I know she was trying not to cry loudly because Caden might hear her. I was still holding her when I sat on the toilet seat. I let her cry. She was making small punches on my chest. I just let her. I know it wasn't enough for what I did to her.

I pulled her closer to me and tilted her chin up. Shit! Fuck my pride!

"I'm sorry." I said. Then she burst out crying.

What would my son think about me? His father made her mom cry. He will hate me. Peggy might hate me now because of what I did. I am starting to hate myself.

I kissed her on the forehead and hugged her tight.

"I'm sorry. I would never do this to you again." I murmured.

She hurt me by lying to me and running away from me. But she didn't deserve this. I know she still loves me, I could feel it. Our feelings are still the same but I couldn't tell her. I am having a hard time trusting her.

I stood up, carrying her into the tub. I was about to hold her in the face when he avoided my touch. I didn't say a word. I deserved to be hated by her.

"How could you do this to me?" She asked.

I didn't answer. I sat on the side of the tub. Maybe we should at least talk calmly.

"I'm sorry. I really am."

"I have never expected you to do this. Do I really deserve it? I know you're mad at me. I know what I did was wrong but did it feel good hurting me?"

I took a deep breath.

"When you left me, I thought I'm going crazy. I have never felt alone in my life. Dad and our friends were there to help me but I felt like more than half of my life was taken from me. Did you know I tried to kill myself? I wanted to die and tried to shoot myself in the head. Dad just saw me and stopped me. I went back to counselling and therapy, Peggy. I became violent and couldn't control my anger so I needed it." I paused.

I know she was looking at me, surprised. But she didn't say anything.

"You don't deserve it. What I did to you was wrong. I know that and I'm sorry. I was mad at you. I hated you. What do you expect? That I would be the same person 3 years ago? You hurt me, you just didn't know how painful it is for me." I continued.

I could hear her sniffles and sobs. She was still crying.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. I got scared. You were so happy about the baby back then. When I found out about your mom and my father, I was heartbroken. I thought of what happened to you in Flousia. I couldn't bear to see you like that again. I'd rather choose for you to hate me than seeing you on the bed like a corpse." She said in between cries.

I looked at her and she was hugging her legs. Her chin was on her knees.

I brushed my hand to her face. She didn't look back at me. I know she's still scared. I could feel her body tremble when I touched her so I stopped.

"I won't force you to marry me. I won't take Caden from you. I just want to see him always. Don't take him away from me." I said.

She finally looked at me, confused.

"I'm letting you go Peggy."