Volume 4, 38 [Caterpillar]

Volume 4, Chapter 38 [Caterpillar]

――The first thing that drew on his consciousness was the continuous sound of dripping water.

Falling at equal intervals, the droplets carved out a constant rhythm, and with every beat sent into the silence of the room, Subaru’s submerged consciousness was guided little by little into wakefulness.

His slumbering brain resumed its activity, and his rebooted nerves sensed the circulation of blood through his veins. Twisting his body, he tried to rise up with a groan―― but couldn’t.

Dropping back onto the ground, his limbs would not listen to his commands, and he could do nothing more than to scrape his face against the cold surface of the floor. At the same time, trying to tax his recovering senses to survey his surroundings, he found that his vision was completely painted over with darkness.

――Both my eyes are blind!?

That was the immediate answer he arrived at as he confirmed his situation, but before fear could overtake him, he noticed the tight pressure binding his eyelids and abandoned that conclusion. He determined that he had been blindfolded, before realizing the strangeness of the situation.

Instead of his eyes being blinded, they had both been covered. In addition, the fact that his body couldn’t move was for the same reason, because his hands and feet had been firmly tied behind his back.

There was the sensation of a slender rope wrapped around his wrists and ankles. With his hands behind his back, even if he struggled, it would be no easy task to break free.

[Subaru: Wh, what is this......!?]

Fortunately, he wasn’t gagged, so he could still use his voice normally. But with his hands and feet literally tied, his mouth was all he had left. Truth is, whoever put Subaru in this situation probably wouldn’t be amicable enough to be satisfied by small talk.

Fear began to emerge from the inexplicable situation and the absence of information on his surroundings. In midst of these interwoven emotions, Subaru held his breath and forced his thoughts to move.

Organize the current circumstances: His eyes were blindfolded. His hands and feet were bound, impossible to break loose. He still had his voice. Should he yell for help? That would only draw his captor. Was there something nearby he could use to free himself from his restraints? It would be difficult to crawl around searching like this. The right side of his head was hurting, and, the moment he placed his consciousness on it, it began to assert its existence with throbbing pain.

[Subaru: Head, hurts......]

Becoming aware of the pain on the side of his head, Subaru remembered what had happened to him right before losing consciousness.

After Returning by Death and leaving the Tomb, Subaru confronted Roswaal with the new facts and speculations, and when he flew into a rage at Roswaal’s unforgivable statements, Subaru was knocked down by Garfiel, who had been watching him.

Or rather, “knocked down” would be too much of an understatement for the overwhelming force that had crushed him. Just a restraining strike from Garfiel had broken through his skull, and it wouldn’t have been surprising if he had died just like that.

[Subaru: If I died, this would be after Return by Death, but......]

If that really was the case, Subaru’s restart point should be in the Tomb right after the Trial. His soul should have been spirited to the room inside the Tomb, barely an hour before he headed to Roswaal’s bedroom, as per the rules of Return by Death.

At least, Subaru’s experience of being tied up and confined was only limited to that one time he flipped over the coffee table while imitating some anime, completely pissing off his father who threw him into the storehouse as punishment.

That was a memory from way back, even before he entered elementary school, and Return by Death couldn’t have returned him that far. Then, assuming the restart point hadn’t changed, the next conclusion would be that he was tied up immediately after Return by Death, but that should be impossible as well. So that only left him with one conclusion――

[Subaru: I failed.. to die......?]

Whether it was the lingering pain in his head or his current situation, it would explain all of it.

He had committed an act of unsurpassable violence against Roswaal. With that in mind, his treatment was only morally right, even if it was not something he could emotionally accept.

[???: ――Y’sure got a grasp of yer situation quickly, yeah?]

As though he had been waiting for Subaru to come to terms with his situation, a voice descended from above. Lifting his face, even though he couldn’t see a thing, Subaru turned towards the direction of the voice. If he were to guess who the other person was just from the intonation of that voice,

[Subaru: Garfiel, is it?]

[Garfiel: Got that right too. Looks like yer head’s still workin’, that’s a relief. Guess I smacked ya a bit too hard, my’bad my’bad]

Hearing his name being called, Garfiel apologized to the blindfolded Subaru. Even though the tone of his voice didn’t exactly match its apologetic content, he went on with [Who would’a thought],

[Garfiel: I was just givin’ y’a lil’ pat, didn’t think you’d almost die from that. Heard yer Emilia-sama’s Knight so I thought you’d have a bit more goin’ there, but guess I overestimated ya, huh]

[Subaru: Sorry to disappoint you. My character’s more of the brainy type than the physical type...... So where are we, anyway?]

Replying with a scornful quip, Subaru cut directly to the chase. Hearing this, Garfiel let out a short sigh through his nose, and,

[Garfiel: Don’t worry, yer still in th’Sanctuary. But this ain’t the Cathedral or th’Tomb, or one of them houses we’re lendin’ to the guests]

[Subaru: You’ve got a bondage room prepared? They say it’s good to be prepared, but if you’ve even got this kind of facility set up...... honestly I’m kinda creeped out]

[Garfiel: Go complain to the creep who made it if y’think it’s bad taste. In fact, y’get to speak to her directly, don’t ya?]

Garfiel made plain his discontent, or rather a sincere sense of discomfort. As though having caught something within his words, Subaru’s face frowned up,

[Subaru: Directly... what do you mean......?]

[Garfiel: With the Witch’s stench all o’er ya, don’t go playin’ dumb now. Y’met her inside the Tomb, didn’t ya? Why else y’suddenly smell like this?]

[Subaru: Met inside the Tomb......?]

Something in Garfiel’s words was tugging at him.

The Tomb. The Trial. The person he encountered there. It was all a blank. After bidding farewell to his parents in the Trial, at the end, he went into the empty school building, and there――

[Subaru: The Witch......!]

――He encountered the Witch of Greed, Echidona.

With the sense of incongruity that came with the filling of the void, the existence of Echidona was restored to Subaru’s brain. He had already experienced this in the previous loop, so why had he forgotten it again?

Unless, it was the result of the “Condition” imposed upon him at the end of their first meeting? But the fact that Return by Death could not overcome this effect was truly astounding.

Return by Death allowed him to carry over his memories, yet he would have no countermeasures against this direct interference. In other words, every time Subaru Returns by Death, he will have forgotten Echidona, and will only begin to remember when he is reminded again.

[Subaru: Then, was this the thing that Roswaal mentioned I’ve forgotten......?]

Only now, with the existence of the Witch restored, did Subaru realize this, but it was still a bit too early to draw such a conclusion. After all, despite being able to remember Echidona, he could find nothing in their conversations that would help him break through the present situation.

The way Roswaal said it, it was as though he wanted Subaru to remember “Something” which, in and of itself, would reveal Roswaal’s incomprehensible intentions.

Then again, this would only make sense if he was indeed in possession of a complete Gospel.

[Garfiel: Since yer quiet all’of a sudden, should I take that as yer feelin’ guilty?]

[Subaru: I’m not some highschool girl who’ll die if she stops talking, so I’m just quietly thinking over a thing or two. Although a thing or two probably isn’t enough at this point]

There were so many things to figure out that there wouldn’t be enough cells in Subaru’s brain to do it.

There was Emilia. Rem. Beatrice. ――Pretty much for every name in the female lineup, Subaru will have to dig himself out of the situation . And on top of that, there was the Sanctuary, Elsa, Roswaal’s true intentions, and the Gospels. And then,

[Subaru: There’s Garfiel... too]

To convince him and gain his support was an indispensable element of Subaru’s blueprint of the plan to save the Mansion. When it comes to repelling Elsa, there was no one else Subaru could draw on with greater combat capability. The fact that his strength could be counted on to match Elsa’s was something Subaru had both witnessed with his eyes and personally experienced with his head.

[Subaru: ......If I’m not mistaken, I’m pretty sure I got punched or kicked until my head was crushed, but what happened to that?]

[Garfiel: Hah. Took long enough for that topic t’come up. Yer head wasn’t crushed, but it sure was cavin’ in a bit. It’d be a nuisance if I just let ya die like that, so y’got a bit of healin’]

[Subaru: Healing...... by whom?]

[Garfiel: Well who else was there t’do it ‘cept me?]

Picking up some reverberations of pride in Garfiel’s voice, Subaru was at a loss for words.

Who would have thought that the rough-and-brutish looking Garfiel would have studied healing magic. Still tied up, Subaru squirmed a little with his body.

[Subaru: My... head’s still got it’s original shape and isn’t a box or pyramid, right?]

[Garfiel: Next time it gets cracked I could make it into that shape if y’want]

With a stupid sigh, having received this answer, Subaru shrinked up his shoulders and confirmed that at least his body was out of the near-death situation.

In that case, the next question would be Garfiel’s intentions.

[Subaru: Since you’re the one who crushed it, it’d feel kinda weird to be thanking you for healing it, but...... what was your aim in all this?]

[Garfiel: What. What kinda aim y’think I have?]

[Subaru: Considering the circumstances, from your standpoint, you made the right judgement to knock me down, so I won’t complain. I completely lost my head and it was a good thing that you stopped me. That’s just one of the mountain of things I don’t want to say but couldn’t help but want to say... if you catch my drift]

[Garfiel: That’s a pretty damn complicated feelin’. It’s not that I don’t understand wantin’ to bash that smug bastard’s face in, but that’d be trouble for Granny and the others if y’do that]

It seemed that Garfiel shared Subaru’s wonderful opinion of Roswaal. But since they both relied on Roswaal’s existence in no small part, neither of them could put that feeling into practice.

Round and round and round, these questions without answers endlessly circled in his head.

With his eyelids painfully bound and his vision completely sealed, deprived of information about the world around him, there was nowhere his questions could turn except inside himself.

His insides packed with nothing but mysteries and doubts, he had come to a deadlock.

What tormented Subaru was not only his unanswered doubts, but also anxiety at the time that he was passing in vain, submerged in these fruitless thoughts.

Since his eyes were covered, he could not say for certain, but Subaru’s feelings told him that most likely a day had already passed since the night he strangled Roswaal.

It was dark, so he was probably confined inside a hidden building in the forest. The chilliness of the room was conspicuous even considering the fact that not the slightest light could slip through.

Compared to the daytime temperatures he had experienced so far, he couldn’t help but notice the drastic temperature-drop here. So perhaps, it would be more constructive to consider that it was already night after sunset. If he followed the assumption that it was night, then it was clear that at least a whole day had passed.

Ever since being summoned to this Parallel World, Natsuki Subaru had sustained a fair number of injuries both light and severe. And his body still carried memories of being healed of wounds of all the various degrees.

So, judging from experience, having half his head crushed and his skull cracked open was clearly supposed to be a fatal wound. The fact that he came out of it alive without Ferris was honestly nothing short of a miracle, which only served to show how skilled Garfiel must be.

Basically, in this world, as long as the person doesn’t die, almost all injuries can be healed, depending on the abilities of the healer. But naturally, the more severe the wound, the heavier the burden it would be to heal them.

Bodily fatigue can only be restored with stamina, and in the same way, Subaru’s recent wounds could not have recovered to such an extent in a matter of a few hours, or even the same night.

More than likely, a night had passed. But even more convincing was the fact that,

[Subaru: I’m... hungry......]

His empty stomach, which hadn’t received anything in all that time he spent sleeping, was aching and groaning endlessly, asserting its existence.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

The passage of time and the indistinct hours gradually wore at Subaru’s mind.

He couldn’t tell how much time had passed since then, and his restraints remained unchanged. Just like this, Subaru was left inside the prison room as time went by.

[Subaru: ――――]

He tried counting the seconds to keep track of time inside the void, but after counting for an hour when he felt like he was about to go mad, he finally abandoned the idea.

Besides, what difference would it make at this point, even if he knew the time? After all,

[Subaru: It’s... probably too late......]

Meals had been brought to Subaru six times. If they followed the schedule of once every morning and night, it would mean that three days had already passed. Three days after Subaru woke inside the Tomb―― would make this the fifth day since arriving in the Sanctuary.

Even if he left for the Mansion this morning, he would only barely make it in time for the assumed timing of Elsa’s attack. The moment he passed that point in time, he had already missed the deadline.

In fact, Subaru had made the mistake from the very first moments of this loop.

No amount of regret was enough for allowing himself to be consumed by rage and throwing himself at Roswaal. If he hadn’t lost control of his emotions, he would have been able to confirm far more information from Roswaal, and, above all, his relationship with Garfiel wouldn’t have worsened to the point where he’d be imprisoning him.

The consequence of abandoning himself to that boiling heat of emotion, was this current caterpillar-like state.

He hadn’t done any of the things he was supposed to do, and didn’t even get to see the faces of those he wanted to protect. Instead, he was here in this unsightly form, cowering in fear of the approaching time.

That is, Subaru had already given up on this loop.

[Subaru: ――I really... fucked this up......]

Because of that momentary lapse, he had lost the chance to prevent the tragedy that was about to befall the Mansion. Which, in turn, meant that the survival of the four girls inside the Mansion had become hopeless.

Rem, Petra, Frederica, Beatrice, Subaru was knowingly leaving them to die. After he had just screamed, denouncing Roswaal, for doing the very same thing.

[Subaru: ......Damnit, I. Why didn’t I die?]

He just wanted to die. If the restart point hadn’t changed, if he could really start over again, then Subaru would return to that night and face against his odds once more. Although he would still be stumbling blind, at a loss about where to begin, at least it would be better than this unsightly state. Surely, he could do better than this. He must do better than this.

[Subaru: Otherwise, what’s the point of......]

Was he prepared to accept this resignation, and bite down on his lips and bear witness to the end of this world?

Having judged that saving the Mansion was no longer possible, and that “Death” in this loop was inevitable, Subaru immediately committed suicide and Returned by Death―― was not what happened.

It was certainly the worst possible situation, and awaiting Subaru in this life was only an empty future devoid of meaning. He should gamble on Return by Death and reverse the world, and strive towards the best possible future. But,

[Subaru: If I return without learning anything, I’ll just be right back where I started]

At least, Subaru needed to find out what happened in the Sanctuary after he was gone.

Just what happened on the sixth day? That alone needed to be confirmed. And it was for this reason alone that, no matter how much Subaru wanted to scream his throat hoarse and clench his teeth until they cracked, he swallowed down his regrets towards the Mansion, and resigned himself to this loop.

If now was the fifth day, something should happen tomorrow.

Over the last three days, only Garfiel and someone else tasked with taking care of Subaru visited the prison. The caretaker always stayed silent, probably following Garfiel’s instructions, so Subaru couldn’t tell who it was. But from the way she wiped Subaru’s restrained body, and her motions as she fed Subaru by hand, he determined she was most likely a woman.

In an environment where his every move was being watched, there was no opportunity to investigate further, and so the real identity of Garfiel’s assistant remained unknown.

However, this must be a place where Emilia, who had rallied herself to save Subaru, couldn’t find.

Most likely, it was a secret location known only to Garfiel and his assistant, where Subaru could not hope to be discovered, and much less call for help.

In fact, if Garfiel and Roswaal had both decided to confine him here, then it would be pointless to escape anyway.

[Subaru: If Emilia could pass the Trials to save me, that’d be amazing, but......]

If the situation was reversed, Subaru was confident he would pass the Trials for Emilia’s sake. But Subaru had never imagined that Emilia would try to overcome the Trials for him. And he never thought he meant so much to her that he would be her motivating force. That was just how much Subaru undervalued himself in his mind.

But in reality, the fact that no good news came after three days probably meant that, just like the loops before this, Emilia couldn’t pass the Trial no matter how many times she challenged it.

In other words, the situation at the Mansion, at the Sanctuary, with Subaru, and Emilia, had all come to an impacted deadlock. Exactly like what Garfiel had once shouted to him.

[Subaru: After all, I......]

――Have to do something.

For Emilia, the Mansion, the Sanctuary, every single problem that came up, he must overcome with his own two hands, and with the only weapon at his disposal.

A quiet resolve. Never good at giving up, it was the only reason Subaru went on living.

After thinking for a long, long time, he came to the same conclusion he had already reached so many times before. Seeing it was more than his fingers could count, Subaru nodded to his heart, and waited for time to pass.

――When something finally happened, was when he felt something shaking his body as it was drifting into sleep.

[Subaru: ――mn?]

Someone was grasping his shoulders, shaking him awake as Subaru returned from his shallow slumber into reality.

He noticed saliva drooling down the corner of his lips, and since he couldn’t use his hands, he nudged over his shoulder to try to wipe it. It was a strenuous activity, but, apparently having gotten used to using his upper body, he managed to wipe it off,

[Subaru: Who......is it?]

His voice was still hoarse from having just woken up, in addition to the recent screaming.

He had promised himself not to scream like that again or his throat will break apart, and by now, he was already more or less desensitized to the pain that felt like he was going to spew blood. Although, it was nothing to be happy about.

Hearing Subaru’s response, the person who woke him let out a short sigh. And,

[???: Sorry to do this in the middle of your nap... but can you move, Natsuki-san?]

[Subaru: Aauh?]

Hearing the voice belonging to someone he never imagined would be here, Subaru couldn’t help but let out a stupid sound.

Perhaps mistaking Subaru’s surprise for drowsiness, the person mumbled [Oh, come on] in a quiet voice and gave Subaru a light slap on the face,

[???: I’m also taking quite a risk coming here to help you, you know, so can you please liven up a bit? I’m pretty sure we’ll both be sorry if things ended here]

Saying this, he cut the ropes binding Subaru’s hands and feet with a blade. Regaining the long lost freedom of his limbs, Subaru reaffirmed this sensation and brusquely pulled off his blindfold,

[Subaru: Augh... hands, feet... even my eyes are hurting]

In the center of Subaru’s thin, still-crooked vision, he made out the shape of a man who looked like he really didn’t want to be here.

A character who was here for no discernable reason, Otto Sewen made his unexpected entry onto the stage.

-=Chapter 38 End=-