NINETEEN: Teleport

NINETEEN: Teleport

Alden, stop typing What are Rabbits good for? into the search bar. Its getting a little pathetic.

Ill stop typing it in when the answer stops being nothing.

What about that S-rank who used his floor polishing skill to create an iceless skating rink on the island? You said it was neat.

I know! Its cool. And Im not dumb. I see that the power has much wider applications than youd notice at first glance. But its also his only skill. Hes twenty-five. Hes an S. Its his only one. What the hell, Boe?

Boe shrugged and threw a gum wrapper at Jeremy, who was standing by Aldens bedroom window staring at them both with a stupefied look on his face.

Maybe S isnt as all-powerful as people make it out to be, Boe said. Anyway, Rabbits have a soft restriction on receiving talents as quest rewards, right? They have to level if they want skills and spells. That guy didnt. Hes just lazy. Doesnt mean anything.

But, Alden how did you become an Avowed? Jeremy said for the fifth time that afternoon.

Theyd asked him to meet them at Aldens place after school and told him everything. Unlike Boe, he was not processing the situation well.

You broke him, Alden. Hes lost his entire vocabulary except for that one question.

Jeremy, Alden said, clicking on the twelfth page of search results. Sit down, man. Boe will explain it to you.

Why me?

Alden gestured at his computer. Im busy.

Once you go past the third page of results youre not busy, said Boe. Youre panicking.

No Im not.

He was.

Hed already decided to go through with it. He trusted Gorgon. He knew he was going to do it. But at the same time, there was a voice in his head screaming, I dont wanna be a Rabbit! Theyre lame and stupid and boring! Theyre not heroes; theyre napkin-folders!

And though hed been trying for hours, Alden couldnt find a single piece of information that would make his inner second grader even a little bit happier.

We'll be rich. Isnt that nice? he muttered.

Great. Now youve broken yourself. Are you using the royal we?

Im giving my inner brat a pep talk. Its a private conversation.

But it didnt work. Even the wealth Rabbits were famous for wasnt a guarantee. They were summoned to the Triplanets a couple of times a month if they had normal luck. When they were there, they usually performed a small magical task their skill was uniquely suited for. They finished up in a few hours and bounced back to Earth with a decent amount of Argold in their account.

Translated into dollars, the average annual Rabbit salary was around half a million. For almost zero work.

But that was the average. The Artonans werent obligated to summon anyone. Plenty of Rabbits were flat broke. Maybe Alden would be one of them.

People had barely scratched the surface of the skill lists for Rabbit, and of course the basic descriptions that were provided pre-affixation were as vague as they were for most classes. The smart thing to do was choose one of the starter skills that had already been safely trail-blazed for you by an older Rabbit.

There were about thirty that were generally agreed to be sure bets, and the vast majority of people picked them these days.

After all, if you wanted to live dangerously youd trade into a different class.

Everyones going to think Im a bum, Alden groaned as he clicked through the social media account of a seventeen-year-old A-ranker Rabbit who was famous for declaring herself retired before shed graduated high school.

And whats with this skill? Nobodys ever picked it before. Did you guys see the description?

Whatever generous B-rank had taken the time to type up the entire Rabbit skill list deserved a standing ovation. It must have taken hours.

And there, right in the middle of it, was Gorgons recommendation:

[Let Me Take Your Luggage Rank: B]

The Rabbit carries an item that has been entrusted to them.

The Systems such a jerk. What does this even do? Does it make you stronger? Does it boost stamina? Does it give you an extra set of arms so you can hold more bags? Alden slapped the laptop shut in frustration.

That last one would be hilarious, Boe said with a snicker.

He was sitting on the floor by the bed, flipping through a stack of old magazines hed taken from the enormous pile Aunt Connie kept in the living room.

Beside him, Jeremy had finally recovered enough to give a shaky laugh.How would he buy shirts?

Hell have em custom tailored with all his Argold.

Maybe he could buy them from Wardrobe?

Alden smiled and groaned. Dont remind me about Wardrobe. Its such a bizarro perk.

Hey, its pretty sweet to have easy access to armor, said Boe. Nobody else gets that except for a few of the hardcore battle subclasses. And even they dont get it before leveling.

Armor? I think you mean alien cosplay. And have you seen what they cost?

That's why you're asking for money up front in addition to the class. And the clothes in the Wardrobe do increase stats. That makes them armor.

Jeremy blinked owlishly up at Alden. Are you really going to pick Rabbit? You dont seem like a Rabbit to me.

Thanks, Jeremy. And yeah. Boe accused me of being a coward earlier today

I said you were clinging to Adjuster out of fear. Not that you were fundamentally a coward.

So Im going to prove him wrong by bravely choosing Rabbit! Alden said, ignoring Boe and holding a hand to his chest in what he hoped was a mock-heroic pose. A class well-known for its valor!

Well, you have to get it first, Mr. Bravery. Stop agonizing and compose your letter to the Velras. Make it good.

Quick question, Jeremy said. Did you two try emailing them? The letters going to be awesome, but if Alden wants an answer fast

It was silly, but Alden was comforted by the fact that they were both acting like sending the letter was a group project. Hed been worried that telling them hed been selected would create an insurmountable gap in their friendship.

It was hard, knowing hed see so much less of them in the future.

Boes right. Its never the same when someone moves away.

But for now, they had business to attend to.

He turned to Jeremy. I actually tried a System call, but it told me I was unauthorized. And we cant find a way to contact them quickly online. We wanted to send an email to Aulia Velra. Shes the S-rank in charge of the family. But shes kind of a huge deal. She ran for President of the Anesidoran High Council a few years ago."

She didnt come close to winning, Boe chimed in, but shes still not someone who lists her personal e-mail address online for any rando in the world to find.

And we sent a test email to her public one, but it just gave us an autoreply, Alden said. Shes probably got some overworked PA going through hundreds of messages a day. Since Im going to go to Anesidora tomorrow anyway, we thought I could try to mail a letter from there to one of the less senior family members. Itll be way quicker if I toss it in a mailbox or hire a delivery service on the island itself. It can take ages for mail to get there from the US. I tried to send Hannah a Christmas card once, and it arrived in mid-January.

Alden, just write the message, said Boe. Make sure to include all of our demands and all the relevant details. Jeremy, the time has come. Go find scissors and glue sticks.

Jeremy jumped up.

Why do we need scissors and glue? Alden asked. I was going to type the message and print it out at the library.

Hed already bookmarked a page on professional letter writing so he could make sure he formatted it properly.

Boooo, said Boe. Boring. Its an anonymous note to the leaders of a superhuman faction who are desperately trying to find you. Have you no aesthetic sensibilities?

Dude, were going to make a collage out of words from your aunts magazines! Jeremy said. He sounded thrilled about it.

Alden gaped at them. How had he missed this particular plan developing?

What is wrong with you two? No. You want to make the critically important letter out of chopped-up magazines? Thatll make me look like a serial killer!

Itll be funny, said Boe, waving one of the magazines at him.

Its hilarious! Jeremy agreed. They find out you exist. They think youre just some random guy in Illinois. They send Skiff after you

He could be working for someone else. And I am just some random guy in Illinois.

Jeremy didnt seem to hear him. And the next day he snapped his fingers, a letter sent from the island shows up on their doorstep thats like, Haha, assholes. I know you think youre smarter than me, but youll never find out who I am!

Hey, will you two take notes for me? he asked. If you dont mind?

Normally they didnt bother. Boe didnt need to. Jeremy didnt want to.

I kind of feel like I shouldnt miss anything? Alden said, trying to keep it subtle in front of his aunt.

Ditching regular classes was one thing. But consulate classes suddenly seemed way more relevant to his life than they had last weekend.

Ill do wordchains! Jeremy offered.

If youre a glutton for punishment, I can record the lecture in Artonan Life. said Boe. You can listen to Instructor Pa-weeq talk about irrigation as many times as you like.

Thanks, guys. Anyone up for attending my logogram class?

Cant, said Boe. We have plans.

Both of you do? Together.

We made them just now, telepathically, when you asked for such a horrible, horrible favor.

Alden spent the rest of the morning going over his schedule for the day, getting dressed, and trying not to fidget with his tie.

I wanted to bring up one more thing, said Boe, watching him over the top of a partially destroyed gardening magazine.

Jeremy was in the living room vacuuming because hed dropped a piece of pizza the night before. It wasnt a big deal, since the living room carpet was patterned with mysterious stains, but apparently the sanctity of clean flooring had been embedded into his brain by his mother, who was a neat-freak.

What is it? Alden asked. Nothing too stressful please. Im pretty sure my adrenal system is nearing some kind of critical point.

Try not to be stressed then. I just wanted to remind you that you cant tell anyone on Anesidora youre one of them. Yet.

Its not like I was planning to announce it at the service.

I know. But in case it came up and you wanted to share with this Cly person or Arjun Thomas or somethingIm not sure what happens if you tell them. Most of Hannahs friends were islander kids, right? They might feel like you should register while youre there. With Anesidora I mean. Not the U.S.

Im not going to tell. But if something slips it wouldnt be the end of the world, would it? I do plan to register eventually.

Boe scratched at a zit on his chin. I think it would be fine? Im sure theyd let you come back home. But Im not sure theyd let you come home alone.

Alden had only been giving the conversation about a tenth of his attention. But when Boe said that, he suddenly found himself completely focused.

What does that mean?

Sowith Ss and As they kind of get an honor guard once theyve affixed and registered.

Alden blinked. I think Ive heard it mentioned in passing? Its for really high-value classes?

No, its for all of them, Boe said with a shake of his head. They get their own dedicated superhuman to follow them around for ninety days and help them prep for their transition to the island. Its all friendly enough, but if they refuse, they just get a dedicated spy instead.

Alden straightened his tie for the thousandth time while he processed that.

Oh, he said finally. No cold feet allowed, huh?

You get it. Im not sure it applies to B-ranks. They dont have limitless resources. But I bet the city could afford to send a few cops to lurk around outside your house at all hours. And that would be a tense way to spend the next few months.

All right. My lips are even more sealed than they were before. Id like to have some time to figure out how to handle Rabbit without people hiding in the bushes around the house watching me.

Good, said Boe. Your teleports in ten. How does it work?

I get a call from the System on my phone. Theres a countdown, then a nasty feeling like youre about to vomit, and then you blink and youre in a travel center on Anesidora.

Fun.

To Aldens surprise, he sounded sincere.

Yeah, it is. Pukey feeling aside. Its cool. He grinned. Maybe Ill get a teleportation skill one day.

Boe rolled his eyes. Im glad your penchant for dreaming is intact, you lowly B-rank Rabbit.

###

Aldens phone never rang with a call from the System.

Instead, the interface blossomed to life in front of his eyes a minute before he was due to leave.

[A LOCAL TELEPORTATION INSTANCE HAS BEEN REQUESTED.

DESTINATION: ANESIDORA, ARRIVAL STATION F

TIME TO TELEPORT: 65s]

[Do you wish to accept teleportation?]

[YES/NO]

It was a relief. He, Jeremy, and Boe had just been sitting around awkwardly, waiting for it to happen.

Its a System notice. Not my phone.

Makes sense.

I wish I could see it, Jeremy groaned. Is it as awesome as I imagine it would be?

Alden watched the timer tick down. I dont know. Its amazing, but its also getting normal faster than I would have thought. I guess because its similar enough to the tech were already used to.

Dont forget our letter.

Its literally in my hand right now, Boe. Alden held up the large yellow envelope for emphasis.

I meant dont get distracted by superhero island and forget to send it.

I wont. You two are going to go to class today, arent you? Youre already running late.

Ill haul Jeremy there somehow.

Tell Gorgon whats up. He probably saw Skiff, but in case hes worried

Well do it. Just do your thing already.

Yeah, said Jeremy, waving his hands in front of Alden like a magician. Vanish. Begone.

Alden agreed to the teleport. A few seconds later, right before Jeremy accidentally poked him in the eye, he felt nauseated.

It passed as suddenly as it had come.

And just like that, he was on Anesidora, standing inside a phonebooth-sized teleportation bay. The arched ceiling over his head was covered in spiraling symbols.

In front of him was what looked like a blank metal wall. He only knew it was the door because of prior experience.

Welcome to Anesidora, Mr. Thorn! said a female voice through a hidden speaker. I see this isnt your first visit, so you know the drill.

Security scan?

Yep, said the voice. Do you submit to a scan? If you dont submit to the scan we can pull you out for an in-person evaluation. The wait time on that is usually half an hour.

The scans fine.

Please hold still. This will only take a few seconds.

Alden held still. This thing cant tell Im a selectee, can it?

The question sent a flash of panic through him. Hed always thought of the process as going through a glorified metal detector, so hed agreed without a second thought.

He opened his mouth to ask for the in-person evaluation instead, but as soon as he did, the door slid open.

Youre all clear! Follow the signage to the exit. Have a nice day, Mr. Thorn.