Chapter 368: The Unca-Varn Show

Chapter 368: The Unca-Varn Show

After much inner debate, Billy decided it would be more fun to show off his new toy to Layla, getting in some early morning gloating and allowing her to share in the fun of watching Vern rant. As an added bonus, he could use it as an excuse to wake her up early. She was noticeably upset when he knocked loudly and strode into the room, grinning at her. It was easy to tell that she was upset. When fully awake, she rarely missed him with a thrown dagger, but her aim was off when grumpy and just waking up. Billy's grin didn't help the situation, and she was reaching for her sword when she heard Vern's voice screaming from the glowing bowling ball.

"Fifty lousy points! That trail is costing me manpower every day to keep clear in this damned jungle. And Billy is wracking up thousands?! How is the little shit doing that? He's cheating, I tell you. He always was a cheating little bastard! If he had any decency in his twisted soul, he'd remember all I did for him and offer to share those points with me." The sound of breaking porcelain and glass came after that, mixed with cursing and threats to fire everyone. His lizard-people attendants nodded and hissed at him, agreeing with every word and bringing him new things to throw. Among themselves, they decided that putting up with his ugly pink visage was worth it. Unca-Varn made a splendid figurehead and could rant for hours in the tradition of all great God-Emperors.

Billy wasn't disappointed with her expression or getting a screenshot of her lunging at him with the glowing, black great sword, wearing only red silk underwear. She stopped her attack mid-swing as he held up the crystal ball with both hands, and she could see Vern inside of it, ranting and throwing priceless antiques at the wall. Corporate espionage was common in ACME, especially against other ACME managers. Layla had delighted in it, and the ramifications of what Billy was showing her raced through her brain and delighted her. She dropped the sword and hugged him awkwardly with the artifact between them. "Oh, you sneaky loveable bastard! How are you doing this?"

Billy reluctantly disengaged from her and tried to focus on her face as he put on a pose of indifference, "When one is Baron, one knows things."

Layla rolled her eyes. "Every time I'm ready to stab you in the back and take over, you do something like this and remind me why I love you." They settled into the bed, Billy concentrating on keeping the spell active while his Baroness took notes. Vern didn't disappoint.

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Ricardo entered the throne room, noticing Vern venting again and taking it out on the ugly crockery the lizards had all over the place. Some of it contained the ashes of past emperors, a lesson he took to heart over how quickly the mighty could fall and be forgotten. Assistant Southern Regional Manager for ACME's Cybergame division was a step up from the middle manager but required him to constantly placate Vern and do the man's job for him. Doing a good job yesterday didn't mean a damn thing, and if he couldn't move Vern up the corporate ladder, he wouldn't be able to take over as Southern Regional Manager. He wasn't even sure he wanted the job anymore. The city was amazing, with huge dungeons and vast, untapped resources. It was also home to a dozen major and a hundred minor lizard-men tribes that held the dungeons sacred and only grudgingly allowed a few excursions inside. Adventuring outside the city was a nightmare, constantly fighting one tribe or another as a party moved across invisible borders. Vern's mercenary group was costing him a lot of money, and they were continually dying just to hold onto their current territory. He put a small smile on his face as he sat down on a small throne near the huge one Vern used.

"Ah, Rickie, my most trusted advisor. So, what excellent ideas do you have today? Hopefully, it is something to put me in a better mood. I'm feeling a little upset about our lack of progress."

"I've got some ideas. Our problem is a lack of intelligence. Billy isn't sharing his secrets, and he obviously has some that would be helpful to you. Somehow, he's making the dungeons produce more wealth than we'd expect while simultaneously exploring trade routes, fighting small battles, and earning building points. I agree with you that he's cheating and being stingy. Cheating I don't care about as long as it improves our bottom line, but he's working against us and ACME by not sharing those secrets. That's disrespectful, especially to you."

Vern leaned forward on his throne and slammed a fist down on the stone armrest, wincing. "Damned right, it's disrespectful. I remember the day that little waif lied about his age and started working in the mail room. We could have kicked him home, but watching him try and keep up with the other interns was amusing. I gave him some advice that first day and told him the truth, 'No one likes you, and don't trust anyone.' He took that to heart, and six months later, he'd manage to get half the idiots fired and the other half quit out of fear. They had no idea who was behind all the problems they were getting blamed for. We made him head of the mail room at thirteen years old, and when he had it running flawlessly, we tossed him into the advertising department. What a meat grinder that place is! The easiest place to fail is in advertising. But he lasted long enough by keeping his head down and doing extra work to stick around. He found the sweet spot: Look busy, do enough good work to stay on, but don't claim credit for anything. Ninety percent of advertising fails; it's better not to claim credit when it gets you demoted nine times out of ten. Yes, I looked after him, and when he was eighteen, I officially took him under my wing."

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

Ricky nodded. Parchment was brought, and the priests delighted in setting up the agreement. They had watched Unca-Varn with delight as he dealt with the brash young warrior. It was good to see Rikkytikki slapped down like that. Gold was brought, and they watched as Unca-Varn implored the gods to send the warrior far north to the cold lands to scout out a terrible place of legend. Rikkytikki would die in that place and never again bother them with the idea of exploring the sacred dungeons. It was a happy time.

Things became even better as Unca-Varn asked about the trail north.

"How do we make that bigger? It's too slow. I see the tribes make good roads all the time that the jungle doesn't eat in a week. How do we get that started?"

The priests all paused, then began a flurry of activity. Many heads of the tribes were called and, minutes later, were assembled in front of the throne. The priests had been delaying with small talk that made Unca-Varn rant for their amusement but now asked the important question.

"Oh, great God-Emperor, Unca-Varn. How wide shall the road be? One chariot wide? Three chariots wide? Or seven chariots wide?" The room was silent as the great one thought. It took only a moment for him to decide.

"Seven chariots, of course. This is ACME! We don't do small! Build me a road seven chariots wide that goes straight to the tip of the Empire."

The Krax beat upon their shields in delight, cheering him. The Grix priests and other tribes were happy as well. It had been too long since a War Road had been built. A mere trail was for scouting by the fast cavalry of the Crocs. One Chariot wide was for messengers and connecting to villages worth trading with. Three chariots wide was for trade delegations and gathering the seasonal tithes from the villages. And seven chariots wide was for War. It had been long since the tribes had united behind a War Emperor.

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Billy and Layla watched until the end of the ceremony about roadwork and things got boring. Billy let the spell lapse and gave his arms a rest. "I need to get a few more points of strength. Vern can put on quite a show."

Layla started to giggle. "This is amazing. We can't let anyone else know you have this. And we can't let this new guy know that we know his little mission. I want to make his life hell while he's here."

Billy agreed with that. "I'm sure we can get some help with that. But, more importantly, we know Vern's up to his old tricks. Can't underestimate him. But he's crossed a big line. This means war."