CH 44

Louise Barsheikh lives in regret ②

Translated by KaiesV

Edited by KaiesV

Aloisi smiles at me.

The way he looks at me doesn’t change at all.

——That’s what I’m afraid of.

I have been doing things that have only changed the reactions of those around me.

I changed the life of one noble daughter, no, I changed the lives of other people I would have loved to capture.

My reputation and the way people look at me has changed drastically. So why is it that only Aloige remains the same?

Does it mean he was that much more accepting of me? That would be a very happy thing to say in words alone.

If Aloige hadn’t known there was something wrong with me… I think I would have stayed happy.

…Because usually, like me, I destroyed Ottilie Shefinko’s life. I destroyed a lot of people’s lives with my assumptions.

It’s strange to be around me like that all the time. Not that he blames me, not that he has done me wrong… Because he gave up his position as crown prince because of me, why is he… smiling? Why doesn’t he blame me? Why does he look so sincerely happy?

「…」

「Louise.」

I stare, silently, at Aloige, and he smiles sweetly as usual.

I am afraid to look at him, so I pull the covers over my head.

…Aloige is still surprisingly kind to me.

I stay under the covers and feel horrible. Even though I may be afraid of Aloige, even though I may not know better… I still live in the palm of Aloige’s hand, or rather in a place where Aloige has prepared everything for me.

Rather, I’m sure I am who I am because Aloige has been affirming me all this time. I have lived all my life because Aloige set me up.

…I can’t even go outside since then. I’m scared, terrified, shaking.

A world where no one seems to be on my side. A world that seems terrifying.

——I wondered if that was the world Ottilie Shefinko lived in. I had assumed that she was a “villainess.”

How was she able to live a straight life despite being called a “villainess” so many times? How was she able to live her life without distorting her character, how…

I think about what I’ve done and then I think about those things. All the time, I think about those things.

I can’t bring myself to ask Aloige, why? I can’t find the courage to ask him. I am afraid to ask what Aloige is thinking. I am also afraid for myself that I will be more afraid of Aloige after hearing it.

I thought the world of Otome games was all that mattered. That was all I thought about. I thought that was all there was in this world. However, this world will continue even if the world of Otome games is over.

My life, will continue to go on.

But I have no confidence to live in this world. I don’t even know how to live.

What should I do?

That’s all I can think about.

But even thinking about that makes me hungry and keeps me alive. Aloige tries to take care of me with a sense of purpose.

「Aloige…」

「What’s wrong, Louise?」

Ahh, I can’t ask.

To Aloige, I am afraid to ask.

…Whatever I hear, I am surely more afraid than anything else that Aloige is going to stay the way he is.

I spend my days in agony like that, and finally… a little later, I ask Aloige.

「Why didn’t you blame me, Aloige? Why are you still smiling at me, Aloige?」

I opened my mouth, feeling fearful.

But without surprise or change of expression, Aloisi is smiling. Why is he smiling?

「You ask strange questions, don’t you think, Louise?」

He has a soft smile on his face.

He looks at me with a smile that inevitably overflows with joy.

That smile, which would have made me happy before, doesn’t make me happy now.

「It’s because, Louise is Louise.」

But Aloige just looked at me in such a loving way and smiled.