CH 84

When Hwawoon recalled the fact, he felt a strange pain like his stomach was sinking to the floor that he couldn’t even breathe properly. No, in the first place, he didn’t even know if it was right to name it pain. Why? He wanted to think of a convincing reason the emperor had given him something so undeserved, but he couldn’t guess anything. 

“Your Highness, I’ll turn off the lights.”

Then he heard Ahjin’s voice. Surprised by her voice, Hwawoon turned his head and looked at Ahjin while lying down. Looking that the world was not crushed, Hwawoon had to feel relief and anxiety at the same time because he realized this was a reality, not a dream. It was so sad if it was a dream, and it was hard to handle if it was reality. 

“His Majesty left in a hurry… He didn’t say anything to you again, did he?” 

Ahjin asked, organizing Hwawoon’s crumpled blanket. From Ahjin’s point of view, it was unlikely for the emperor, who was so careful that he even asked her if he could go in, to do that to a sick person because he suddenly rushed out of the bedroom as if he was running away. However, inevitably, she worried if something went wrong between him and her master.

However, Hwawoon, who heard Ahjin’s question, just shook his head with a red face. 

“No. No, that’s not it. He just went to… to quickly make me rest.”

Hwawoon clenched the blanket that covered his chest with both hands as his hands and his voice shook while talking. His heart was beating so fast that he thought something was wrong with his body. He was going to put his hands under the blanket just in case Ahjin caught him shaking like this, and Ahjin, who made the room dark with only one candle left, only then came up to him and opened her mouth. 

“Then Your Highness, I’ll be right outside, so if the pain gets worse, you should tell me. All right?”

“Yes. Yes, I will. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’ll light a scent so that you can sleep well even a little.”

Usually, Hwawoon would say it’s okay and tell her to sleep comfortably instead of being on guard outside, but today, he couldn’t talk more and just nodded because he was already tired of controlling his own mind. 

Ahjin, who fortunately could not see the color of Hwawoon’s face because the room turned dark, lit the incense and returned to bed and covered the bed meticulously until the end. And Ahjin left the bedroom only after checking Hwawoon’s body temperature on his forehead and repeatedly getting his promise to call her if he is sick. 

Hwawoon was alone again in the darkened room. 

Only then, he took out his hand that he hid under the blanket and touched his forehead. It was the very place where the emperor’s lips touched. 

Considering the position of emperor and concubine, it would be nothing special. Just as it is natural for a couple to kiss each other, the emperor and concubine were originally in a relationship to share each other’s body temperature. Therefore, the emperor merely showed a normal kind act to comfort the injured concubine. 

However, it was different for Hwawoon. It was not a common and ordinary thing for Hwawoon. For Hwawoon, today’s kiss was the first kiss from the emperor, and also the first in his life. In other words, it was an intimate touch that he had never received even from his parents in his life. 

He was out of breath. The ceiling spun around even though he was lying still. His heart really jumped like it was going to bounce out. Hwawoon, who had never experienced this before, was confused in his head because he didn’t know whether this huge and violent emotion he felt was just because of the intimacy he felt for the first time in his life, or only because the other person was the emperor. 

Then Hwawoon suddenly recalled his hand being held by the emperor. The white and small hands of Yeon Hwawoon. However, the hands that His Majesty said that the appearance was not important. Which led him to even imagine those rough hands with scars. 

Then what about the face? Even if he didn’t have a pretty face like Yeon Hwawoon’s face he was having right now. Even if it was not this face with a beauty that’s second to none. Even so, would the emperor say that the kiss had nothing to do with his appearance? 

The thought calmed him down like a lie. It felt like the heat that had been raging all over his body was escaping as if cold water was showered over him. A person’s face and hands were clearly different in importance. The complete change in the face was incomparable to scars on the hands or the increase in hand size.

If he knew what the original Hawoon looked like. If the emperor knew that face. 

Then, wouldn’t he find the kiss of this night creepy and unpleasant? 

Hwawoon exhaled slowly. The beating heart had been calm for a long time. Was the pain he was feeling now coming from wounds on his back, or was it caused by a wound somewhere else? Hwawoon closed his eyes quietly, trying not to bother with it. 

Death, which no one knows, will be sorrowful. Life that no one knows is not — he couldn’t say that. 

Just as no one knew Yeon Hwawoon’s death and no one could truly mourn him, there was no one in the world who knew that Hawoon was alive and recognized his existence. 

Hwawoon, who thought he was living an undeserved life, decided to not think about it.

***

“Ah…!” 

Late at night, Sukjin, who was sitting alone and embroidering to soothe her troubled mind, let go of the needle while groaning. Blood from the tip of a needle-stabbed finger soaked the fine silk and dirty it. It would not be an exaggeration to say that she had embroidered for almost her entire life, so it was really rare for Sukjin to be stabbed by a needle.  

It might be natural because she was thinking about something else in her head the whole time she was embroidering. Sukjin kept thinking about her son, Hwawoon. 

It was said that Hwawoon was seriously injured. It hadn’t been a long time since he almost died from drowning, but he got hurt again. That alone troubled her heart as a mother who was far from him, but the whole story which she heard from Juwon made her mind more complicated.

Hwawoon was hurt from saving someone else. It was Sukbi to boot. The one who was famous for having a bad relationship with him. Had it not been for His Majesty the Emperor who delivered the word, Sukjin would never have believed such a ridiculous rumor. 

Sukjin was a person who knew her son’s nature better than anyone else. Of course, as a mother, she deeply loved her son, but she could not deny that his personality had already become irreversibly vicious and reached a point that could not be handled. Hwawoon was not a child who would risk his own life to save even if his father and mother were in danger in front of him. 

“…”

Sukjin let out a long breath, holding the already broken silk in her hands. Not that she didn’t hear the rumor that her child was acting like a completely different person because he lost his memory after drowning, but in fact, Sukjin didn’t take those words seriously. Sukjin thought that even if her son was pretending because he wanted the emperor’s attention, or if he really lost all his memories and was showing a little different appearance from the original him, he would return soon. 

But he threw himself away for the emperor’s other woman? And it was Sukbi?

He protected another person without caring about his body getting hurt?

It was unbelievable for Sukjin, who still remembered her son’s ruthless kicking of a small puppy because it didn’t listen to him when he was a child. 

She wondered what was going on. It would be nice if as a mother she could look at what has been changing in Hwawoon since he drowned from his side. Nevertheless, the palace where her son would be was so far away, and his father was heartless that he didn’t think about caring for his son.

A thousand needles seemed to pierce the heart, and Sukjin’s night was deepening without even giving her the moment to feel the blood flowing from her finger. 

***

“Your Highness!”

Hwawoon stood there and saw Ahjin approaching him with a bright smile. He also smiled the same smile and took a step toward Ahjin, but strangely, Ahjin passed by him as if she had not seen Hwawoon.

“Ahjin…?”

A confused Hwawoon turned his head, following Ahjin passing by him and called her name, but Ahjin continued to walk without a moment of hesitation as if she had not heard his voice. Didn’t she call me? I’m sure she called me Your Highness. Thinking so, Hwawoon turned his gaze with a confused look, and this time, he saw another face. It was the emperor. 

“Your Majesty!” 

Hwawoon unconsciously took a step toward the emperor with a smile on his face. He didn’t mean to do that. It was just the moment he saw his face, he was so happy that his mouth opened, and his steps moved on their own. As if responding to Hwawoon, the Emperor, with a smile on his lips, approached him and said ‘Yeonbin.’