CH 2

Chapter 2

Content warning: Mature (implicit) scene

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

The next morning, Xu Yan quietly went into the bathroom for his morning routine, careful not to wake Shen Zhi up. But that’s the difference between a wage slave and the upper class – Xu Yan has to hurry to work while Shen Zhi can sleep until he wants to open his eyes.

The curtains were tightly closed and the room was dark. Xu Yan wore his jacket as he came out of the closet and walked over to the side of the bed. He bent down and stared at Shen Zhi’s face. He couldn’t see Shen Zhi’s face clearly, but that face was all too familiar, it’s okay to not see clearly. Xu Yan reached over, rubbing his knuckle gently over Shen Zhi’s face and said quietly, ‘I’m going to work, breakfast is in the kitchen. Remember to eat something.”

Shen Zhi’s breathing was still stable and undistributed; so, Xu Yan straightened up and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. As he walked downstairs, he raised his hand and touched the back of his neck. It still hurt slightly, and it was Shen Zhi’s fault. Last night, Xu Yan helped him to the side of the bed and in the end, both of them fell over. Before Xu Yan came back to his senses, Shen Zhi tightly pressed on the back of his neck. Drunk people have no awareness of how hard their movements can be, but this motion was familiar to Xu Yan. No matter how tough Shen Zhi can be in bed, Xu Yan definitely experienced it – He once even suspected Shen Zhi has some special fetishes. But because he has good self-control, or he was just too lazy to try on Xu Yan, Xu Yan was able to survive.

Once he was pinned down Xu Yan didn’t even fight back; both of them are men and knew that once drunk, it’s difficult to get erect. Perhaps Shen Zhi was upset on the inside and wanted to vent. Xu Yan felt like it was hard to breathe as he gulped, and smiled as he said, “Babe, happy birthday. Don’t be upset.” God knows that Shen Zhi hated Xu Yan calling him ‘babe’. Hearing it while being in a haze, Shen Zhi pressed down harder, pinching Xu Yan’s neck with his index and thumb. Xu Yan let out a grunt under the pressure.

“You’re so annoying.” Shen Zhi said before he let go and laid down on the bed, passing out.

Xu Yan stayed sprawled on the bed, his neck numb from the pain. He slowly got up to go to the washroom to bring a warm towel to help wash Shen Zhi’s face. Finally, he knelt by the bed, his finger trailing from Shen Zhi’s forehead down to the bridge of his nose, tapping on his lips then saying in exasperation, “Yes, I’m annoying. I annoyed you for so many years, why haven’t you gotten used to it?”

Returning to the washroom, Xu Yan leaned down to wash his face. The warm water fogged up the room. Xu Yan raised his head, his face still dripping with water as he looked at himself in the foggy mirror and started dozing off. His eyes were burning, perhaps the water got in his eye. Xu Yan reached over and wiped the mirror and found himself staring at his own reddened eye sockets.

He’s the same way, annoying Shen Zhi for so many years yet he’s still not used to it – even the smallest matters he’s upset.

After a busy morning at the office, it wasn’t until noon that he was finally not busy. Xu Yan put his face on his office desk and turned on his phone. He sent Shen Zhi a message: Did you go to the office today? Are you still dizzy? If you’re dizzy you should take a nap.

Shen Zhi just finished a meeting; his secretary passed the phone over just as the screen lit up. He hadn't even glanced at the message clearly when the event director hurried over, opening the documents, “Director Shen, just now the market…” Shen Zhi pressed the center of his brows and took the documents – His head still hurt a little.

When the day was over, the sent message hadn’t gotten a response. Even the usual ‘oh’ and ‘ok’ texts did not show up. Xu Yan tidied up his belongings and clocked out. The subway was very crowded and suffocating, Xu Yan leaned on the car’s door, staring at the reflection in the glass and the tunnel walls flew by. He’s guessing that Shen Zhi was still mad at him, mad that Xu Yan suddenly showed up; mad that he just turned and walked away in front of everyone; mad that he was annoying Shen Zhi for so many years.

Now that he was thinking about it, Shen Zhi didn’t have it easy either.

Once Xu Yan got home, he went to the kitchen to make dinner. He didn’t have cleaning services so most of the chores at home were done by him. When Shen Zhi came home, Xu Yan turned the range hood off and cleaned the tables. He was still wearing an apron and underneath was a white shirt – Xu Yan was a decent person, a department manager of a listed company. He had outstanding abilities and was good looking, but he was two faced.

However, he was only two faced towards Shen Zhi.

“You’re home.” Xu Yan placed the dishes on the table and handed over a bowl of soup to Shen Zhi, “If you’re still not feeling well, drink some soup. Go to bed early tonight.” He took off his apron, loosen his tie and sat at the table. As Shen Zhi was walking to sit down across from Xu Yan, he glanced down and noticed the bruise on the back of Xu Yan’s neck. It stood out against his white skin and was only covered by the collar.

Shen Zhi scowled a little, his thumb and index finger subconsciously rubbing together – his hand felt weirdly itchy.

After dinner, Shen Zhi leaned against the sofa reading and Xu Yan nestled into the bean bag chair, turning on the projector and finding a quiet movie to watch. The living room was dark, only the floor light next to Shen Zhi was lit. Xu Yan’s whole body relaxed and started to doze off. He looked at the screen, then over at Shen Zhi’s side profile. Xu Yan wanted to tell him not to read under the living room lights and go to the study room instead. But he didn’t say anything, worried about disturbing Shen Zhi… Xu Yan closed his eyes and under the sound of pages flipping and the movie dialogue, he slowly fell asleep.

When Xu Yan woke up the movie had already ended, the white names of the actors against the black background were slowly rolling. He didn’t know when Shen Zhi had gotten so close next to him. He leaned his chin into his palm looking at the screen, but at the same time he seemed to look at Xu Yan – Xu Yan wasn’t so sure. The two of them were very close, Xu Yan raised his arm and gently placed it on Shen Zhi’s knees. He just woke up, so his voice was hoarse, “Are you tired? Why don’t you go upstairs to sleep.”

Shen Zhi ignored his question and asked, “Why did you come back yesterday?”

Why else would he come back? He came early to celebrate Shen Zhi’s birthday, even though he didn't need it — Xu Yan smiled, “I finished all my work, so I came home. I forgot to tell you, next time I will make sure I’ll tell you.”

Next time I will make sure. Xu Yan has said this phrase so many times to the point he doesn’t even know if he can do it anymore. It seemed that he was always being blamed; whatever he said, whenever he accidentally disturbed Shen Zhi… Shen Zhi never gave him standards, and when Xu Yan did something that unknowingly crossed Shen Zhi’s boundary, he would get coldly questioned.

Only he was accommodating and learning, just like a toddler learning how to walk; he learned to love him in a way Shen Zhi could accept. Shen Zhi never opened his mouth to give any hints, Xu Yan was forever deciphering the rules behind Shen Zhi’s cold expression and words, he was used to it.

Shen Zhi didn’t say anything. Xu Yan suddenly made a beckoning gesture, “Come here.”

Shen Zhi gave him a look and Xu Yan smiled lazily. The light warmly illuminated their handsome faces. Shen Zhi leaned over expressionless and asked coldly, “What?”

This time Xu Yan didn’t say anything, reaching forward and wrapping his arm behind Shen Zhi’s neck, tilting his head to kiss him. After staying together for so many years, Xu Yan knew exactly where and how to kiss Shen Zhi to get him to react quickly. He sucked on Shen Zhi’s lower lip, rubbing his chin, and put his fingers into Shen Zhi’s hair. Shen Zhi’s breathing became heavy as Xu Yan gently let him go and said quietly, “I’m awake now, if you’re not tired, we should do it.”

They started kissing again, Shen Zhi looped his arm under Xu Yan’s knees and moved him to the sofa. Xu Yan unbuckled his belt, then went to undo Shen Zhi’s. His shirt was crumpled by Shen Zhi, who unbuttoned his shirt. His tie was still on around his neck loosely, going all the way down to his abdomen. When Shen Zhi entered, he placed his hand behind him and pinched the side of Xu Yan’s neck where the bruise was; his fingers fit perfectly there – his hand finally wasn’t itching anymore.

His body was being overstretched, Xu Yan leaned his head back and panted, exposing his Adam's apple. Shen Zhi leaned up and bit down, and Xu Yan painfully let out a small moan. He wrapped his arm around Shen Zhi’s back. His entire body ached, but Xu Yan liked it because he knew Shen Zhi enjoyed it – Enjoyed giving him pain.

Pain felt better than numbness, Xu Yan’s heart was pumping for too long as he entered a daze. He wasn’t afraid of blandness; he was scared of Shen Zhi’s indifference; he was more scared of becoming bland under Shen Zhi’s coldness. He was willing to grind out his edges, smooth them out, then poked and smoothed out and the cycle continued. One day he will become the most suitable for Shen Zhi.

Outside of Xu Yan himself, nobody can make him give up, not even Shen Zhi.